Chillax!

We already discussed some things I wish I knew before starting to homeschool in part 1 and part 2, and today I want to explore more in this article on the topic of chillax (chill & relax).

Perfectionism backfiring

If there’s one thing I wish I’d known when I first started homeschooling, it would’ve been to just chill and relax more—in other words, chillax—and not stress so much about whether I was covering everything for every grade level. I’m not saying we should never look to see what we should be teaching or never consult state standards, but I’m advocating for not stressing out about it. Because when we do, it’s the kids who end up suffering. It has to be the number one mistake we make as new homeschoolers.

What do I mean by that? I wish I had known that if I just focused on creating a love of learning in my children, encouraged them to pursue their passions, and did a few basic things—like teaching them to read, write, and do basic math—it would’ve been totally enough! I’ve learned to do that over the years, but at first, I wanted to do everything perfectly! I mean, it was my child’s education we were talking about! It had to be PERFECT, especially since I was the one doing it—and all the skeptics were watching and judging my capability to homeschool based on my children’s results.

I wanted to exceed everyone’s expectations by having my son at least a year ahead of his grade level at all times to wow people. That would’ve been fine—if my son were an academically inclined super genius. But he was just an average, smart, cute little boy who wasn’t very interested in academics. He wanted to play and draw superheroes and make up elaborate stories. He started hating “school.” I was trying to make everything fun, but I still believed in worksheets. I didn’t understand my son’s “allergy” to worksheets yet. As time went on, I learned about different learning styles and the concept of loving learning. I realized that most children, when given a nurturing environment and a relaxed but consistent focus on the three basic R’s—Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic—combined with an expectation of excellence, will begin to read and understand math when they’re ready.

Many of us also worry about college from the moment our children are born. Here’s the problem: it’s not your college education you’re thinking about—it’s theirs. And at that point, you have no idea what they’ll actually want to pursue. By the time they get to college, you’ll have had years to prepare them. And what better way to do that than by teaching them to read and write well, understand basic math, and then encouraging them to pursue their interests? Even the core subjects can be tailored to what they love. A person who reads well and comprehends what they read can teach themselves practically anything. If they can write well, they’ll be fine with any college papers. And being competent in math will help them live productive lives and manage their money.

Perfectionism cured

I’ll never forget taking a few weeks off over Christmas one year while I was still pushing my son to be ahead in math and everything else. Before the break, I had been trying so hard to get a particular math concept into his little brain, explaining it in every way I could. He just couldn’t get it, and I was getting frustrated. Then, after our Christmas break, I asked him about that concept—and he got it. Just like that, without any extra effort. That day revolutionized our homeschool journey. He had become ready for the concept during the break. That moment taught me to pay more attention to readiness than to trying to force information in. Kids mature in different areas at different times.

Today, he’s an adult who took community college classes during high school and pursued topics on his own. I remember him once saying while we were driving around town that the only things he truly remembers are the things he studied on his own because he wanted to. That made total sense to me—because it’s the same way I learn now that no one’s forcing me.

So, if you’ve covered the basics, your children will be able to teach themselves anything. And what’s more—they’ll want to. It helps to set aside a chunk of time each school day where they’re expected to be studying something, just to avoid a day of endless video games and TV. (Not that those aren’t educational in some ways—but they can easily consume too much time.) I’ve also seen that some kids fall into depression in their teen years if they don’t have creative or productive habits. On the other hand, many thrive in unschooling environments too—so no judgment here! I’d just caution against having no academics at all. Stick to the basics.

Go with the flow

I’ve learned my hardest lesson over the homeschool years: I needed to be flexible. I’m naturally very scheduled and organized, so that wasn’t easy. But if I had a plan and something interrupted it, it wasn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes it opened up better opportunities. I learned to embrace the unexpected. That’s a healthy attitude to pass on to your kids too—you’re teaching by example just as much as through books.

Thinking creatively helps, too. If you get stuck with an unexpected doctor’s appointment and don’t have time for math, use your environment. Ask your kids to read speed limit signs, tell them your speed, and have them calculate if you’re under or over. Ask how long it’ll take to reach your destination. Let them figure out arrival times. Introduce terms like “quarter till” or “half past.” Compare gas prices. Read street signs, maps, forms in waiting rooms. Real-life math, literacy, economics—it’s all there. Learning opportunities abound if you look around.

Let’s play, break it up, and learn!

I wish I had known earlier how much can be taught through targeted educational games. Math facts are more fun (and stick better) with games than with endless flashcards. Using different tools to reinforce the same concepts makes a big difference.

Also, short, focused lessons work better. Break things into 10–20 minute segments. Kids are more likely to engage when they know it won’t take long. Pair each lesson with a mini reward—playing a favorite game, getting a snack, or watching a quick educational video. You can even spread these sessions out during the day. You’ll get a lot done!

And remember: homeschool days don’t need to be as long as traditional school days. One-on-one instruction is efficient. In classrooms, so much time is spent on crowd control or explaining things to students who don’t understand yet. That time isn’t needed if your child already gets it. So if your school day ends earlier—it’s okay!

Time for their passions

Leave plenty of time for your kids to pursue what they love. Reading? Great! My kids taught themselves computer skills from online tutorials. I know teen entrepreneurs with Etsy stores and programming businesses—most are homeschooled. Why? Because they had the time. What an amazing education that is to learn all about entrepreneurship!

Rather late than early?

I’ve also become more of a “rather late than early” homeschooler. I noticed that no matter how exciting I made a lesson, my kids didn’t retain much before about age 8. That age seemed like a turning point—not for all kids, but for many. Research backs this up: kids who start reading later (between ages 8–10) often catch up by age 12. My fourth child took the longest to start reading but eventually became the most avid reader.

There’s another study that really struck me. In the 1930s, Louis P. Benezet, a superintendent in Manchester, New Hampshire, delayed formal arithmetic instruction until sixth grade in one school while others followed traditional methods. The sixth graders with no prior formal math did just as well—if not better—in word problems. After a year of instruction, they had caught up completely. In countries with high-performing schools (like Finland), kids don’t start long school days or homework until age 7.

Peter Gray, author of Free to Learn, shares tons of research on play-based learning and its incredible benefits.

Final thoughts

So, to wrap up: I encourage homeschool parents to shift their thinking. Life is learning. There’s time to get where you’re going. If your child isn’t “at grade level” in every subject, don’t panic. If, after several years, your child struggles consistently with reading, writing, or math, it’s worth exploring learning differences. But in all cases, a calm, joyful learning environment will always beat a stressful one focused only on ticking boxes.